So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
