She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
