i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
