sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
