my mouth tastes like poor choices
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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