so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
