We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
