I got chris browned last night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
