Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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