i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
