I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
