Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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