So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
