She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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