at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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