Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
