my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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