i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
