Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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