I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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