i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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