i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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