I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize