i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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