Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My feet surprised me
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