This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
