I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
