***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
