if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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