My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize