I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
