I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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