So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
