You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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