I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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