I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
