Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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