My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
