that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
