those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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