I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a search helicopter?!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
