Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
