she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
