He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
