I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
