I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
