Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
