Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
