My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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