I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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