I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
