remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
