she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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