Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
