Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
