I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
