just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
