Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
