my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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