Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
