I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
