Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
