Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
