xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
