i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
