it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
