I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
