News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
