Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
