So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
