he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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