I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
