The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
