I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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