It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need a burrito and a hug.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
