I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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