whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
