a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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