Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize