garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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