there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
