my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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