sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
