we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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