i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
