Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
