We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
