saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
