i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
